Becoming Clean for Him
by stardust97
Summary: What happens when you give a lead singer cocaine and beer who's despertlty in love with the ythm guitarist. All Hell insues. GerardXFrank. warning, conatins: Language, drugs and near death.


Becoming clean for him

A random one-shot about Frerard..enjoy...

"Hey Gerard, you ok?"

"Huh? Oh sorry...Was just thinking." Gerard muttered and blinked. "Well sorry to interrupt, but you were staring at me. And quite frankly, oh Haha made a pun, it's a little disturbing." Frank said quietly and chuckled. Gerard blushed and looked away. "Shit." He muttered under his breath. "So what were you thinking about?" Frank asked. "About you!" Gerard wanted to scream but instead he calmly replied "A new song." Frank got to his feet and went to crawl in his bunk before saying over his shoulder. "Cool, but next time; please don't stare at my crotch when you're thinking about a new song. Might give you some, naughty lyrics." He winked, crawling into the bunk and shutting the privacy curtains.

Gerard felt himself go at least three different shades of red.

"Damnit Frank. You fucking tease." He thought and shook his head. He swore Frank knew about his feelings and did stuff like this just to tease him. "What if he does know? I mean I've told Ray and Mikey, but I never told him. Still I'm not exactly too quiet about the fact that I'm not really into girls." Gerard thought.

Lately Gerard had developed certain feelings for Frank. Feelings like love. And it wasn't a brotherly love, it was more than that. He loved Frank as well, a lover. But the problem was, he didn't have the courage to tell Frank. He had tried several times, but failed each time by coming up with some random excuse.

The reason why he didn't have the courage; Gerard was afraid of how Frank might react. Gerard knew he wouldn't be able to handle it if Frank started to hate or avoid him because he was gay. The stress was really starting to get to him.

Staying up late, drinking, and doing drugs, all sorts of shit. He had even come close to cutting himself at one point. "I'm such a waste." Gerard thought as he sipped on his beer. He downed the rest and opened another one, taking a huge swallow. It was pretty bad when you're drunk and you realize what shape you're in. Yeah he was drunk on the bus, nothing new. "Maybe I should try and get some sleep; I haven't slept in almost three days. Lord knows I can't go without sleep much longer. Or a goddamn shower." Gerard lazily though as he finished this beer.

Gerard slowly got to his feet and just toppled over onto the ground. He hardly felt the pain in his head that came from hitting the hard floor.

He tried to make himself get up, but he just couldn't find the strength to get up. Besides, the carpet was kind of warm and soft. "Maybe I can get some sleep here." Gerard thought and closed his eyes. He relaxed and breathed deeply, trying to fall asleep. Well that plan backfired. Right as he relaxed the tour bus door opened and two sets of footsteps could be heard. "I'm telling you, the answer is five not seven!" Ray said. "No, it's seven. Do your math and you'll get seven!" Mikey argued back. Gerard growled and he sighed.

"NO! It's five, oh for the love of...Mikey, Gerard passed out on the floor!" Ray yelled to Mikey who was walking away. Gerard opened his eyes to see Ray kneeling next to him. "I didn't fucking pass out." He muttered. Ray held up three fingers, "How many fingers am I holding up?" He asked. "Three dipshit now let me be." Gerard growled, at that second Mikey came into the kitchen and kneeled on the other side of him.

"You're a mess Gerard." Mikey muttered.

"Yeah and?" Gerard harshly asked. "You need to stop. Drinking and taking drugs isn't going to solve this." Ray gently said. Gerard huffed. "Well, it's my life and if I want to drink and drug myself, I will. Now go." Both Ray and Mikey shook their heads. "Gerard just cuz' it's your life doesn't mean you can go out and do this." Ray said, the gentleness that had been in his voice was gone. "Yeah, how do you think I would feel if we found you in a bar, dead, from alcohol poisoning or a drug overdose?" Mikey asked.

"I dunno, you tell me."

Mikey looked close to tears. "Gerard, you are my older brother. I'm not going to let you throw your life away just because you won't get the courage to tell Frank. I know it's difficult, but it's no fucking reason to do this shit. I mean, who knows how many beers you've had or what drugs you've done tonight." He said. Gerard knitted his eyebrows. "Five. I've had five beers tonight, smoked a blunt and I snuffed some cocaine earlier. Happy?" He asked.

Mikey and Ray looked shocked. "Cocaine!?" They hissed not to wake Frank, whose gentle breathing could be heard coming from his bunk. He must really be deeply asleep. Gerard smirked. "Yep cocaine. Got me some a few days ago and let me tell you, it works great. Makes you feel weightless, happy, on top of the world. Shit it's even giving me memory black outs which are awesome considering how fucked up my life is. Although the after effects are a bitch!" He said. Mikey looked heartbroken and Ray looked alarmed.

"Gerard do you even realize what words are coming out of your mouth?" Mikey cried. "Yep every last word." Gerard said and grinned even wider. He knew how much this was hurting Mikey, but honestly, he didn't give a shit. This was his only escape, and there was no way it was going to be taken away. "Gerard, your life is not a mess. Ray whispered. You could literally hear the hurt in his voice, but Gerard still didn't care.

"Yes it is! You try being fucking gay for your best friend and not being able to tell him! It will fucking screw with you! Every day is living hell for me, not being able to tell him. Do you have any clue how bad it hurts!? No you don't! Every time I see him, it's like my heart is practically being tore out of my chest and being waved in front of my face like it's some kind of toy! And when he cries, it's even worse! So if I were you two, I wouldn't even try to comfort me because you have no fucking idea!" Gerard yelled through a loud whisper.

Ray frowned. "Your right Gerard, we don't know what it feels like. But we're here to help you." He said and stared. Gerard flinched when he saw Rays' eyes. There was such a deep concern in them. He couldn't see Mikeys' eyes because he had turned his head, crying. "Gee, your only twenty-seven!. I want to see my big brother make it past thirty." Mikey whispered. Gerard scoffed. "And why do you care?" He asked.

"Because, I love you Gerard. You're my big brother. You've always been there for me no matter what. Now it's my turn to be there for you, and I'm certainly not going to sit down and watch you poison yourself to death!" Mikey answered and glared at him. Gerard snorted. "Pfft, how long did it take you to come up with that princess? And I certainly didn't ask for you to be here for me!" He said in a mocking voice.

Mikey chocked on his tears briefly and frowned. "Gerard how could you say that, he's your brother!" Ray growled. "Fuck off Ray, no one asked for your impute." Gerard said. "Gerard, say what you want, I don't give a shit. I tried to help, but you did this to yourself." Ray sadly said as he got up and crawled into his bunk, yanking the curtains closed. Mikey slowly got up and sniffled. "What would Frank think?" He asked and walked away into his bunk. He slowly shut his curtain.

Gerard could only be stunned at Mikeys' last words. What would Frank think? "He'd think I was a pathetic loser. Because I am one. But I don't care no more. I've loved him for almost three years now, and that'll never change." Gerard thought. He could feel the effects of the cocaine he had token earlier beginning to wear off. "Huh, I need some more." He thought and slowly forced himself up. The room spun for a few seconds.

"Woah.."

Gerard grumbled as he went over to his bunk and pulled out his secret stash. "Shit, there's only enough left for two hits. I'll have to sneak out tomorrow before the bus leaves and go find that dealer I bought it from." Gerard thought examining the bag, completely forgetting how Frank might feel about this. He sat on the table and spread enough for one hit onto some paper. He rolled another piece of paper and slowly snorted the white powder.

Almost instantly, Gerard could feel the precious stuff working it's magic. He let out a tremendous sigh of relief and snorted a bit more. "Ahh now that's the stuff..." He said out loud and grabbed another beer out of the mini fridge. He opened it and took a drink. "Holy shit! This feels good! I should do this more often!" Gerard snorted some more and took another drink of the beer. Adrenaline coursed through his veins, exciting him even more. "I need more.." Gerard thought as he snorted the last of what cocaine he had put on the paper. There was one more hit in the bag...

Without even thinking about what could happen, Gerard emptied the rest of it onto the paper and took a huge snort, followed by another chug of beer. "I feel alive!" He cried. God, he couldn't of felt better. All of his negative emotions were gone. "WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT LOVE?" Gerard happily thought, feeling another rush. Another snort of cocaine and a drink of his ice cold beer soon followed.

Who gives a shit about anything?

"I don't because this is all I need to keep me happy!" Gerard answered his own question downing the rest of the beer. He grabbed another beer, the last one, and opened. "Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge? Ha! Three Cheers to happiness!" Gerard thought snorting the last of his cocaine. He opened the beer and chugged it in one gulp. His heart going a million miles an hour, his breathing fast and shallow, his mind clouded with sheer happiness, he fell to the ground and didn't move.

He was found by his fellow band mates eight hours later on the floor, not breathing and with no pulse. They had barely managed to resuscitate him.

Now, twenty-four hours later, he lay in a hospital bed, comatose.

Frank sat beside him; he couldn't believe his ears when Mikey and Ray told him why Gerard had done cocaine. He thought it had been some cruel joke, a stupid prank, but it wasn't. Gerard loved him and beat himself up over it until he was like this. Ray and Mikey confessed to finding Gerard high and drunk on the floor last night, but he was fine. They also confessed to trying and using guilt to get him clean, but it didn't work.

Instead, he drank and snorted cocaine until his body gave out.

The doctors said he would never wake. The cocaine and alcohol had practically fried his brain and sent him into a deep coma. And if that weren't enough, Mikey and Ray were both being held in jail for knowing about Gerards' stash of cocaine. They'll be released within the next week, but it was still too much.

Frank felt so guilty. Why had he not paid more attention to Gerard, when he obviously had been begging for it this whole time? Well not begging, but showing he needed help. "I knew he was heavily drinking, I knew he had been getting high, but why didn't I stop and ask why?" He thought. "And to think, my last words to him were only teasing him and I didn't know it. Now I'll never get to say I'm sorry or tell him that I love him back..." He muttered and began sobbing.

He had loved Gerard since the moment he had met him. From his gorgeous looks to his crazy persona, Frank loved every bit of him. Every day, he wanted to tell Gerard how much he loved him, how complete he made him, how special he felt to know him. But now, he would never get to do that. Frank would never get to hear his almost poetic words, see his one of a kind smile, feel his soft hair, never again.

_'If I die before I wake, I leave my soul for The Black Parade to take'_

One week went by, Mikey and Ray were released from jail. Both of them came back, beaten and defeated.

Two weeks went by, Gerards' heart stopped once.

Three weeks went by, his heart stopped twice more.

The fourth week finally came.

"Gerard, I love you. I don't want you to leave. If you do, I-I-I don't know what I'll do." Frank whispered as he held Gerards hand. Four agonizing weeks had passed since they had found him on the kitchen floor, barely alive.

The image of him lying on that floor haunted Franks' dreams every night. He couldn't bear the thought that at any moment Gerard could pass away and not even wake to say his goodbye. Both Ray and Mikey were devastated, rumors that MCR might break up was spreading like wildfire.

_Flashback..._

Frank opened his eyes and stretched a little. He hated getting up, especially when he had a late night beforehand. The gentle breathing and snoring of his band mates told him that they were still sleeping. Frank yawned. "Might as well get the coffee ready. I know everyone will want some when they wake up.." He thought and threw his cover off. He'd make his bed later. Slowly Frank got out of his bunk and landed quietly not to disturbed the others.

He smirked when he saw Gerard passed out on the floor. It wasn't the first time the singer had passed out on the floor. "Hmmm, I think I'll take advantage of this." Frank cheekily thought. He kneeled next to Gerard and got close to his ear. He grinned and blew into his ear. Gerard didn't budge. Frank bit his lip. Ok that didn't work. Time for plan B. Frank poked Gerard a few times on the shoulder. Still nothing. "Ok...Well hehe.." Frank thought and starting tickling Gerard. He didn't move.

"Huh?" Frank asked and pulled a few inches away from Gerard.

"Gerard?" He asked and shook him a little. Gerard didn't move. "Gerard!" Frank said louder and shook him harder. Still nothing. "Gerard, will you fucking answer me!?" Frank yelled. He growled and violently shook Gerard. Frank smirked. So that's how he wanted to play? Fine by him. Two can play at this game. Frank lay next to Gerard and slowly kissed him, but he immediately broke away. Gerard wasn't breathing! Frank quickly grabbed his wrist.

No pulse.

"GERARD! MIKEY, RAY CALL 911!" Frank yelled. A second later he heard a loud thump. Ray had just fallen out of his bunk. Ray quickly ran over to him. "What's going on?" He asked in a slurred voice. "RAY! Gerard's not breathing! Call 911!" Frank cried. Rays' eye went wide. He went to pull out his phone but Mikey climbed out of his bunk and said. "I'm on it!" He pulled out his phone. "Hello? Yes we need an ambulance right now! My brother's not breathing! No we just found him a minute ago! Look, get a fucking ambulance here!" Mikey cried.

"Frank, how long has he been like this!?" Ray asked as he rolled Gerard onto his back. His face was drained of all color. "Only a few minutes! I thought he was sleeping, so I tried waking him! But then I realized he wasn't breathing!" Frank choked out. Ray flinched as he tried to find a pulse on Gerard. "Mikey! He doesn't have a pulse either!" Ray yelled at Mikey who was still on the phone with the operator. He nodded and told the operator. "What do we do!?" Frank cried as panic started to sweep over him.

"Guys! The operator says we need to give him CPR!" Mikey yelled. Ray frowned. "I-I don't know CPR." He muttered. "Nor do I!" Mikey freaked. Frank swallowed. "I do." He whispered. Ray and Mikey stared at him. "Well what the fuck are you waiting for?" They both yelled. Frank jumped and nodded. A quick tremble made him shake as he un-buttoned Gerard coat and put him in position. "Remember, CPR can hurt someone if not done properly and I hope you all have to never use it." His old teachers' words rung in his head. He tilted Gerards' head back slightly, opened his mouth and pinched his nose, fear making him shake.

Frank took a short breath and put his mouth over Gerards' and blew in. He pulled away and quickly placed his hand dead center over Gerards' chest. He pushed in. "1..2..3...4...5" Frank muttered under his breath each time he pushed down until he got to thirty. He took another short breath and blew into Gerards' mouth. He pulled away and began another round of chest compressions. "!..2..3..4...20..21..22.." Suddenly a crack filled the air. Frank jumped and a tear rolled down his face. He had just broken one of Gerards' ribs...

He shook his head and pushed the thought away. There would be time to think about that later. "23..24..25..26..27..28..29..30." Frank said and took another breath. He could see Ray next to him, trembling like mad. Frank breathed into him again and began yet another round of chest compressions.

Two minutes went by. Three. Four. Five.

Frank was beginning to become exhausted. He felt as if he were on the verge of passing out. "Also, CPR is very energy draining. So if you begin to feel lightheaded, let someone take over." Again, his teachers' word swarmed in his mind. She was right. Ray or Mikey would have to take over..."Wait, no! They don't know CPR! They'll end up hurting him if they try!" Frank thought. He forced himself to take a few seconds to get his breath before returning to Gerard.

He took another short breath and blew into his mouth. He wasn't a centimeter away when suddenly Gerards' whole body seemed to give a convulsion before his eyes shot open and he took quick, rapid breaths. Frank gasped. "Gerard!" He cried. Gerard began shaking and he grabbed Franks' hand. Tears rolled down his face. Frank gulped as he squeezed Gerards' hand and moved a piece of hair out of his face.

"Shhh, its ok Gee. Just calm down." He told him, still in disbelief that CPR had worked. "Gerard!" Cried Mikey as he dropped the phone and ran over to him. "Mikey..Ray..Frank.." Gerard slurred, still taking rapid breaths. "Shhh everything's going to be fine Gee! Look what happened!?" Frank asked. "C-cocaine and beer.." Ray muttered. Frank looked up at him. "Do what?" He asked. Ray looked up at him, tears in his eyes. "Cocaine and beer! That's what happened Frank! He's been snorting cocaine!" Ray cried.

Frank was speechless.

He looked down at Gerard. His breathing was returning to normal. "Frankie.." He whispered. "What Gee?" He asked as tears flew down his face. How could he be snorting cocaine!? Gerard trembled. "Frankie..I'm sorry..I-I love you.." He whispered and slowly slid back unconscious. Franks' whole body went numb with shock. Gerard loved him? He had feelings for him? Frank shook and started sobbing. Just seconds later paramedics busted through the door.

The quickly examined Gerard before placing him on a stretcher and carrying him away.

Frank looked over at Mikey and Ray. Both of the looked as if they couldn't believe what had just happened. But when they saw him, they rushed over to him and pulled him into a hug. Frank trembled and began to sob onto Mikeys' shoulder. "Gerard!" He cried. "Shhh, he's going to be ok Frank." Ray muttered. "Yeah, Gerard's not going to leave you. He loves you to much to do that." Mikey said. Frank twitched and pulled away. "Wait you knew that he had feelings for me?" He asked.

"We both did.." Ray whispered.

"What? Why did no one tell me!?" Frank asked. Mikey flinched a little. "He made us keep it a secret Frank! He didn't want us to tell you in case you thought bad of him!" Ray answered. Frank flinched. "I would never think bad of him! And it's my fault he's doing cocaine isn't it!?" Frank yelled, his voice at an almost cracking point. Ray and Mikey reluctantly nodded. "He-he felt guilty about liking you.." Mikey whispered.

Frank felt sick. He wanted to hurt himself. Gerard had been beating himself up because of him. Frank pulled away and fell to the floor crying in a fetal position. It was his fault...His fault..His own stupid fault. He had drove Gerard to drugs and alcohol.."Frank, it's not your fault. Gerard chose to do cocaine on his own. You're not the one who gave it to him.." Ray weakly cried. Frank shook his head and sobbed harder. "IT'S MY FAULT!" He screamed.

"Shhh Frank.." Mikey said as he pulled him up into a tight hug. Frank cried as he remembered how Gerard had comforted him like this one day after he had a nervous breakdown. "Frank, I promise you; None of this is your fault. And I swear to god, if i find you hurting yourself, I'll..I'll...Oh God, Frank just please don't hurt yourself!" Mikey cried and began crying too. "Mikey, Ray..I-I love him too." Frank choked out.

"I know..and it's going to be ok.." Mikey whispered.

_Flashback End..._

Frank looked at Gerard through his eyes that were half blind from tears. He still laid there, a breathing tube under his nose, several IVs ran into his arms, a tube ran into his stomach, a machine that cleaned his blood, another machine that monitored his heart rate, one monitored his blood pressure. So many machines. It wasn't fair.

"Gerard, what do you want me to say? I've said I'm sorry so many times. I've told you I love you, that I can't be without you...What more can I say? That you had this coming? That I need to stop feeling guilty? Because I can't say that. I know I should of told you earlier that I love you and now that I know you feel the same...Oh god, please wake up." Frank said sobbing. He leaned over and gently kissed his cheek before slowly pulling away. He got up and wiped his tears away sniffling. "I'd do anything to see you awake baby." Frank whispered and forced himself to walk away. Each step seem to take all his effort and each left a scar on his heart.

"Frankie..."

Franks' breath was caught in his throat. He slowly turned around and saw Gerard weakly staring at him. "That's what I was waiting for." He whispered. Frank hardly dared to breathe as he made his way over to him. He slowly put his fingers to Gerards' cheek and stared into his eyes. "Gee?" He whispered. Gerard smiled and nodded head slowly. "I'm here" He whispered. Tears began to pour down Franks' face. He collapsed into his chair and beginning sobbing on Gerards' chest. "You're-You're awake!" He cried, burring his nose deeper into his chest.

"Don't you ever leave me again!" Frank yelled pulling away from Gerards' chest. Before Gerard could even react, Frank leaned down and kissed him. He didn't break away until he was breathless. "Frank..." Gerard said through a gasp of air. It took a minute of gasping before Frank could speak. "Gerard, I'm so sorry for not telling you earlier! I love you too! And I'll love you till my last breath!" He cried and kissed him again.

This time once he was breathless, he pulled only an centimeter away from Gerards' lips. Frank looked into Gerards' eyes. He could see tears of happiness forming in them. "Frank..I'm sorry for not telling you either." He whispered as the first tear escaped his eyes. "Don't you ever do cocaine again.." Frank whispered and kissed him again. "I won't, I promise. I don't think I'll ever do a drug again." Gerard weakly said as more tears rolled down his face.

"You better not, because I don't know what I'd do without you Gee." Frank whispered, crashing his lips into Gerards' once again. "I'll never leave you again baby." Gerard muttered, pulling away for a second. He leaned up and kissed him. When Frank pulled away, he took a breath and climbed onto of Gerard and cried on his chest. "You have no fucking idea how much I missed you!" He cried. Frank felt Gerard wrap his arms weakly around him. He looked up to see more tears roll down Gerards' face.

"I'm so sorry Frankie.." He whispered. Frank opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn't find his words. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Gerards' neck and kissed him. Frank pulled away and swallowed, still lost for words. He buried his head onto Gerards' shoulder and forced himself to breathe slower and calm down a little. "Frank, are-are you ok?" Frank pulled away and smiled as he looked into Gerards' eyes. "Now I am.." He whispered. Gerard smiled a little and leaned up to kiss him. Suddenly someone wolf whistled.

They quickly broke apart to see Mikey and Ray standing in the doorway, both grinning like mad. "Jeez, thanks for telling me my brother just woke up from a month long coma!" Mikey said as he rolled his eyes. "Shut up.." Frank said and flipped him off. Mikey and Ray laughed before they came over to them. "So how you feeling bro?" Mikey asked. Gerard grinned. "Better, but what do you mean by 'month long coma' ?" He asked.

Ray chuckled a little. "You've been in a coma for a month Gee."

Gerards' eyes went. "I-I have?" He stuttered. Frank nodded slowly as an expression of shock came on Gerards' face. "I thought I had only been out for a couple of hours.." He whispered and looked away. Mikey shook his head and frowned. "Mikey, Ray?" Gerard asked in a slightly crack voice. "Yeah Gee?" They both asked and drew closer.

Gerard looked at them, sat up and pulled them both into a hug. "I'm so sorry for what I said to you two." He whispered. They both smiled and hugged back. "It's okay Gerard." Ray said. "No it's not. I was being such a bitch to the both of you, and neither of you deserved it." Gerard muttered. "Forget it Gerard. All that matters is that you're ok." Mikey said as a few tears slipped his eyes. "Mikey, no I hurt both of you. I didn't care how you felt. I didn't care about you. I didn't think what you might do without me.." Gerard cried.

Ray and Mikey hugged him harder. "Shh we forgive you. You were on drugs, you had no idea what you were saying. Well maybe you did, but that wasn't you who was talking! It was the cocaine that was talking! You would never do that to us!" Ray said and pulled away. Gerard flinched a little as Mikey pulled away.

"Gee, what was the last thing you remembered before waking up here?" Mikey asked.

Gerard gave a thoughtful look before answering a few seconds later. "I remember fighting with you two, then both of you went to bed..I pulled out some beers and some cocaine…I-I think I did two hits of cocaine and had a two beers, no three. The last thing I remember was snorting the last of my cocaine and everything went black.."

Frank, Ray and Mikey all frowned. "What?" Gerard asked. "G-Gerard, when I got up the next morning, I found you on the ground. I thought you had just passed out, so I tried poking and tickling you awake. You didn't respond to that so I tried shaking you awake. And when you didn't wake up, I tried kissing you..But that's-that's when I realized you weren't breathing." Frank stuttered.

"What?"

Frank nodded. "You didn't have a pulse either. Mikey called 911." He muttered. "But how did the ambulance get there in time to resuscitate me?!" Gerard cried in disbelief. Mikey smiled. "Frank did. He gave you CPR." He said. Gerard looked over at Frank and grinned. Frank felt himself go red. "You did?" Gerard asked. Frank nodded. "I thought it was too late. I wanted to give up, but then suddenly you woke up and tried to tell me something." He muttered. Gerard tilted his head. "What did I say?" He asked.

"You told me that you loved me." Frank answered as he slowly smiled. Gerard grinned a little. "Oh and sorry about the broken rib." Frank added. Gerard raised his eyebrow. "What do you mean broken rib?" He asked. "Um, when I was giving you CPR, I pushed down on your chest a little too hard and broke your rib, or at least cracked it." Frank answered nervously as he rubbed the back of his head.

"It's ok, you didn't mean to. And Frank?"

"Yes?" Frank asked in a sly voice. Gerard smiled and looked at him. "As much as I love you, can you please get off of me? I'm finding it a little hard to breathe." Frank blushed as he realized what Gerard meant. He was still lying on top of him. Frank squeaked "Sorry" before crawling off of him and into his chair. Ray and Mikey busted out in laughter. "What?" Frank asked them as he felt the heat in his face grow.

"L-o-v-e-b-I-r-d-s" Mikey taunted. "Shut up Mikes! Just cuz you don't have someone doesn't mean you can make fun of my boyfriend!" Gerard defended. Mikey just laughed harder with Ray. "Gerard and Frank, sitting in a tree! K-i-s-s-i-n-g!" Ray jeered. Frank exasperated then grinned as an idea hit him. Fine if they wanted to do that, then he'd do this!

He grabbed Gerard by his collar and pulled him into a deep kiss. Frank blushed when he felt Gerards' tongue slowly slide into his and started exploring him. Frank gave in and slowly slid his tongue into Gerards' mouth. He tasted like..coffee? Frank pulled away and looked at Gerard. "Whaaat?" Gerard asked, obviously wanting to continue their kiss.

"How the fuck do you taste like coffee and you haven't had coffee in a month!?"

Gerard grinned. "I don't fucking know. Now are you gonna kiss me or not?" He asked. Before Frank had a chance to answer, Gerard grabbed him by the collar, pulled him on top of him, and wrapped his arms around him. Frank blushed slightly before Gerard leaned up and began to kiss him deeply.

"Eww…" Mikey said. "I'm out!" Ray yelped. "Right behind you." Mikey said as they bolted out the door. Gerard pulled away and chuckled. Frank smiled and blushed before going for another kiss. For a while, they gentley made out until a doctor asked them to stop. Frank chuckled. "I love you Gee." "I love you Frankie!"

8 years later...

Gerard laid in bed with his wife. It was hard to believe that had happened eight years ago. It seemed a lifetime away. So much had changed since that day he woke up. Everyone including Gerard and Frank thought that they would stay together, forever.

Sadly, that didn't happen. A tear escaped Gerards' eye as he remembered that painful breakup. He hadn't ment to cheat, but something about Lindsey just, changed him.

Frank had to learn in the worst way that Gerard had cheated on him; Through the internet. At first, he thought it was just a photoshopping, but more and more pictures showed up and then he saw it for himself. It had tore Frank down to the heart. Gerard tried and tried to apolagize, but it became too much. They ended up breaking up. Two days later, Frank left tour to be with his sick grandmother. Gerard knew he also left to grief and be alone.

It took nearly a year for their relationship as friends to heal, just in time for the Black Parade albums release. Eventually, everyone, including Frank settled down and married. Gerard sighed. He couldn't beieve that he had a three year old daughter while Frank was father to three children; A set of two year old twin girls, Cherry and Lily, and a recently newborn baby boy, Miles. Things really do change and years do fly.

Gerard loved his family dearly, but there was always thst small part of him that wondered; _What if I had stayed with Frank? How would've our lives turned out? Would we be married to each other and live together? Would we have adopted kids?_ And there was always that one agonizing question in his head.

Does Frank ever wonder the same?

Gerard couldn't lie. He missed Franks touch and warmth. He missed sleeping with him in those bunks. He missed how they would cuddle and how Frank made sure that Gerard was never down or felt alone. Yes, they did fool around quite a lot when no one else was on the bus. He sighed and looked over at Lindsey for comfort. She was asleep. Gerard pulled out his phone. He praed that Frank was awake.

"Hey u awake?"

He texted. A minute later, his phone blinked.

_"Yeah. Just fed Miles. Why r u up?"_

"Can't sleep. I was just having a nostalgia moment.."

"Lol, what about?

"Just how the band was...how we acted..dressed..ate.."

"Yeah those were some fuckin epic and crazy times"

Gerard sighed and replied with _":("_

"What's wrong Gee?"

"Just..I..was thinking about..our..relationship."

"..oh..."

Gerard frowned. He shouldn't have brought that up. He sat his phone down as tears clouded his vision.

"Gee, u still there? I'm not mad.."

"R-really?"

"Yeah Gee. It's ok that you're thinking about it. I mean, I think about it sometimes.."

"Do u ever miss it?"

"Sometime, yeah, I do. And sometimes I wonder, what if we had stayed together?"

"Yeah me too. But, I'm happy the way things turned out Gee."

"Yeah. I'm glad I have Lindsey and Bandit."

":) Same for me, jamia and the kids. Hey i gotta lay down. Jamia wants to take the kids to her parents tomrow. Night Gee."

"Night Frank."

Gerard closed his phone and turned it off. He wasn't going to bother with the alarm tomorow. A few more tears rolled down his face. "I wonder if Frank realises I got clean for him? Not for myself. Not for Mikey. Not even for the fans, but for him and him only." He wondered. He didn't regret being clean. Life seemed so much easier. No black outs. No ill efects. No waking up in strange places and not knowing how he got there. No spending money on the stuff. No withdrawels. True, Gerard did suffer from withdrawel time to time, escpecailly during something stressful. But now, he had two things keeping him clean.

Lindsey and Bandit.

Gerard loved them to death and would die for them, but, deep down, there would always be that one part in his heart that belonged to his first true love. Frank Iero.


End file.
